Monday, December 19, 2011

you know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? all of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your stuff, that idea of home is gone. 

you'll see one day when you move out. it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. you feel like you can never get it back. it's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. you won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don' tknow, but I miss the idea of it, you know. maybe that's all a family really is. a group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

-garden state

my dad sent us this picture of our tree after he put up our lovely pioneer train. and while I longed to be there - snuggled up on the couch, or giggling with my mom and sister while andy and dad watch sports, mash, or sleep in the living room - I couldn't shake the strange feeling of not calling it "home".

my hometown? yes. place I grew up? yes. near and dear to my heart? you bet. but the place I belong? nope. I don't think so.

that's hard to say, since I have always loved good old b-town. I have a gazillion amazing memories there. I loved my childhood, loved growing up there, loved high school (noticed I skipped middle school? yuck). but as much as I loved it, and even still do, I don't fit there anymore. there's not much for me there. I don't belong.

and so that quote from garden state popped into my head. I remember my sister saying this a few years ago and I remember that making me so very sad. how could b-town not feel like home? how could the house she grew up in, spent a majority of her life in so far - our house - not feel like home?

and now I sort of understand. and this makes me feel more like an adult in a strange, sad way.

on a less sentimental note, I'm taking recommendations for books and movies for my break from school. so far I have started reading searching for God knows what by donald miller and I want to read heaven is for real upon hearing really interesting/good reviews for it. I also really want to read this book, recommended by this excellent site.

I also really really really want to watch the documentary forks over knives.

does anyone else have any good recommendations of documentaries, movies or books? while I love non-fiction, I also love getting whisked away in a good story. I was remember that last christmas I found myself wrapped up in the hunger games. I'm kind of in the mood to carried away again but am unsure about what story/series.

health tip: I might have to stop these during the holiday season. this morning I brought an apple, carrots, and sugar snap peas to work. and while I ate them, I also devoured four snowballs (aka - oreo balls. however, I am convinced that the sweet lady who makes them at work puts crack in them. they are not your average oreo ball. they contain some sort of addictive substance).

I guess...during the holidays try to practice moderation. don't deprive yourself of all the goodies you don't eat very often, just try not to eat the entire tin. give yourself a little grace. and go for a walk. bonus points if you walk while you eat. as my friend would say, this negates all the calories.

oh my. christmas is in 6 days. craaaazy.


Michelle said...

I want to read Searching for God knows what, too! I've also heard only good things about Waking the Dead. Let me know what you end up reading!! P.S. I love Donald Miller!

hailey said...

bittersweet! haha. santa's helper might be bringing you that one. and she also may have told you 306 times already. ;)

ashley said...

michelle - I'll let you know how "searching for God knows what" is!

hailey - yesss! I'm so excited to read bittersweet, you have no idea. someone has been building that book up for quite some time now...