Wednesday, November 30, 2011


yeah. I put a period at the end of that because that seemed more final. that is what I'm titling this post. decisiveness. ha! I made a DECISION. gasp. crazy, I know.

does anyone else struggle with decisiveness? I do. really horribly. the more I get to know myself, I think this is partly due to insecurity and caring too much about what other people think. what will people think of my decisions? ...why in the world did she choose that??... think about it. whether choosing a restaurant, what to wear or where you live, all of these decisions could induce such responses.

lately a decision I've made has been really put in the spotlight. second guessed. critiqued even. by others and by myself.

people are asking me to rethink my decision. not asking, even, but telling, rather. and with good reason - they are not doing so without good reason. they are not doing so without an alternative plan. and the alternative plan is looking good. more obstacles are being presented down one path, while it seems more and more doors are opening down another.

not to be all dramatic, but this a decision that really does affect the course of my life. one road is filled with hopes and dreams I think I have, but am unsure about. it is also filled with many obstacles to overcome and uncertainty. I don't know how things will work out down that road. that I won't hate my choice. that I won't become broke and have to move back in with my parents for at least a year. this scares the bajeebies out of me.

the other road is more certain, more stable. the other road has opportunities that I can fathom and even some excitement and travel. the other promises financial stability and working for a company I have utmost respect for. a generous company with wonderful people.

...but would I always be asking myself "what if..." if I don't take path number one? path two may offer something concrete, and good somethings, but would those somethings be my passion? would those somethings help me fill the desires I have in life? would I get fat and lazy (figuratively...but also possibly literally in this scenario too)? am I being naive by thinking path number one is what I was created for? am I being dumb to pass up wonderful opportunities others would give their left arm for?

I know this for certain: indecisiveness is not for those in their 20s.

advice from anyone who knows without a doubt what they want to do in life and/or have made tough decisions about such things? puhlease?

anddd you thought I forgot. mom, sis and I on christmas circa 2006.

love momma's christmas sweater in this pic and that I still have a bow on my shirt from opening gifts. lovely.

nutrition tip: all I feel like I've been learning lately is how stellar omega-3 fatty acids are. eat some. per the last tip. and while you're at it, supplement with vitamin e.


h.dawn said...

i think you know where i stand on this. jimminy cricket, the fray and i have similar catchphrases. regardless, we should talk soon. i'd love to hear where you are on this.

but if you want the short version, i think you know what you want to do. i think you're worried about trusting yourself. i know you can do anything. you're superwoman. so for now, i will pray that you start believing it, too. xxoxox

Marci said...

I will second h.dawn's comment. You are capable of making good, wise, mature decisions. Trust yourself and the Spirit within you. Difficult, obstacle-filled roads stretch your faith and challenge you to trust the unknown. But you're not trusting the unknown to just any shananigan. You are trusting it to a God who loves you, is on your side, and who has your best interest in mind. And when you're looking to Him in your decision-making, are there really ANY wrong decision??

ashley said...

you guys are awesome. thank you for encouraging me and believing in me...or Him rather I guess :)

hails - yes.