the calendar days are slowing diminishing, and sometimes this hits me like a wall. a wave of emotion and fear and sadness and disbelief all mingle and crash over my consciousness. it's been building up, but I've put it on the back shelf of my mind, right behind my five year plan and what I'm going to do when I grow up.
moving has become something I've been able to deal with from a distance. but distance is creeping closer.
tonight the wave hit and a thousand thoughts rushed in all at once. I think of when I moved here. how I cried daily at the loss of the familiar. I missed my family, my friends, everything I'd known my whole life. and now I cry for the things I've gained since being here, things I can't imagine my life without. that my best friends won't be there to giggle or tease me every time I order a pop. that snow will actually occur without the whole world shutting down. that sweet tea won't be a staple at every restaurant, people will probably stare when I say y'all, and I won't be able to sing along quite as loudly to sweet home alabama.
I cry for the things that alabama means to me. for a proof that I can survive on my own, away from my parents. for a real-life adventure, a leap of faith. for answered prayers and truth-speaking friends and a first job. I've learned what feels like a lifetime of lessons here -- how to say no, truths about myself, the rewards of stepping out of my comfort zone, so much about the Lord and my journey with Him.
as coworkers ask when I'm moving, I can't bring myself to answer. and it seems that I'm not leaving as much as everyone else -- no kids to pry away from friends, and moving closer to family! clearly I should be nothing but thrilled. (and this is not to say that I don't love my family and friends in ohio -- I do, dearly!)
but they don't see that the people I leave behind have been my family here. the ones who've held me through heartbreak, through death in the family, through broken-in apartments and big life decisions. the ones who've talked me through and loved me through mistakes, spoken truth to me. prayed with me. laughed with me. cried with me. took on new adventures and challenges with me. traveled, ate fro yo, went to midnight premieres with me. walked through life with me.
because when you're in your 20's and not married, your friends are your family.
and my family has been incredible.