Friday, March 7, 2014

lessons & learning

I turned another year older this week. birthdays never really seem to affect me too much -- I feel loved on by the wonderful people in my life for 24 hours, and then it's back to life as we know it. but because I feel like I've been struggling and growing and learning this year, I thought I would reflect a little and capture those thoughts.

I've learned that change is constant. that no matter how much I wish I could keep things the same forever, they will always be changing. and I can't control it, so I should learn to embrace it. and take the journey with God. who else better to be traveling with?

I've learned all experiences are different. moving to Alabama and moving to Columbus were completely different journeys. see above. different is different. it's not bad vs. good.

I've learned you have to ask for what you want and communicate what you need. people won't read your mind. even if you think it's obvious, it's probably not. be bold. be honest. be brave.

I've also learned you have to say no. have to set boundaries. I've been learning this awhile now, but it keeps coming up in new ways and new situations. you teach people how to treat you.

I've learned you can only control how you react/act in a situation. I can't control others, and I also shouldn't let their actions/reactions affect me.

I've learned that people won't always give you the same courtesy and respect you give them. this doesn't mean you shouldn't give it anyway.

I've learned how to be more honest and open and put it all out there. because...why not? you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. and I've learned you won't always get the response you want. in fact, the response might lay you flat. or you might get no response at all. this is the most heartbreaking. but you will walk away knowing you said what you needed to, did what you could, and have no regrets about the situation on your end. this will help you heal.

I've learned your closest friends don't always live in the same city. that transitions can be painful and lonely and leave empty spaces. I think this is normal. how you choose to fill those empty spaces is what's important.

I am by no means an expert and am still learning the above lessons. if you have any wisdom, shoot it my way. here's to another year of learning.


meg said...

Hi, just passing through. Figured I would add my feedback.

I've learned that if you want God's respect you have to realize when you're down and out, pull yourself up, and get on track. I used to slump and become depressed when things seemed to weigh on me. That's like an insult to Him. There's never a reason to be disappointed unless it's in yourself for losing faith. Losing faith means things WILL happen to you that you don't want. But if things that happen to you that you don't want happen when you have faith, they're secretly lessons and secretly exactly what you need. It doesn't mean you have to always feel cheer, it just means you need to have composure and strength in Him. And never leave people with the impression that you can't handle it or else you're saying you can't handle Him. That's at least what I feel and what has made me incredibly closer to Him.

I've learned that you need to make commitments. And you need to shout them out. I think your blog is a perfect means for this but you never really write. I myself have been writing every day and it's not about who reads it, it's more or less my prayers and my reflection and my gratitude. Like Mark Batterson says, you have to pray through and also PRAISE through. Praise Him for those that have left your life because there is GOOD in those things. Praise Him for things that have gone against what you want because it's His WILL. And realize the things He has put right in front of you during times of change. I gather you've recently moved; you left friends, but He has put your future in your new neighborhood.

Finally, I have learned that you need to be frank with people. I have had some very persistent men in my life, for example, who are convinced they're right for me. While I love who they are as a person, I had to flat out tell a few of them that they were unhealthy in my life by their persistence and the way they would subconsciously guilt me into accepting them in my life. I had to tell them they were a part of my growth and now they are a part of my past. This is the same with some old friends. It's easy to fall into habit, but you really need to reevaluate WHY you keep friendships with people. If it's simply out of familiarity, out of fear of hurting someone, or because at one point there was something there, it's not a true friendship anymore and it's binding. It's a terrible feeling to realize this, but I've managed to sever a plethora of friendships and acquaintances that were bringing me down and weighing on my mind more than I would presently admit.

And embrace the comfort of strangers. Those who walk into your life on a whim often see a glimmer in you that old flames could never recognize.

God bless...

Anonymous said...

I've found that sometimes people aren't as nice as I thought they are. And you can definitely tell that when those people are too insecure about something to be happy for someone else who gets what they want.