do nothing...

do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourselves. - philippians 2: 3

I have a tendency to strive for things. things that fuel my pride. I want to perform well so people will notice and say, hey, ashley is pretty darn good at xyz. I want a good job/career so people will know I am smart. established. respected. I want people to like me.

it's all a cycle that boils down to pride. and fearing man.

and it keeps coming up lately -- the idea of loving others. the idea that I must put others before myself. and what that really means. because what it really means isn't just church. isn't just helping with a few community service projects. I think what it really means is stepping outside my comfort zone. in daily life, doing things that aren't what I necessarily feel like doing. changing my comfortable, normal routine and lowering myself. I am nothing. not in a "I have low self-esteem way", but in a "compared to the entire world and my significance" way. if any spotlight is on me in my life, then it is not on Christ - for others to see, but even for me to see and realize.

the above verse is a hard verse for me to swallow. really? do NOTHING out of selfish ambition or vain conceit? nothinggg? sheesh. you drive a hard bargain, Lord.

ps - I am thankful for: the fact that Jesus never stops pursuing us, even when we have failed numerous times. that I have friends who fist pump for Jesus. that the King of the universe wants a relationship with me.