letters from the Lord and thin spreads

Jesus called me this morning and He had some good things to say (weird, huh?).

Be still in my presence, even though countless tasks clamor for your attention. Nothing is as important as spending time with me. While you wait in My Presence, I do My best work within you: transforming you by the renewing of your mind.

-Jesus Calling (Sarah Young)

this truly was perfect for today. last night I restlessly tried to sleep, tasks and worries of the world swimming in my head. I felt suffocated and trapped. and then I got up and read this. wowza.

there are many things I think God is teaching me in this season of my life right now. this crazy, run from one thing to the next, take a deep breath at the end of the day and gear up for the next day kind of season. right now if I had to write myself a note to remember in a year or two, or even in a month or two, it would say: don't spread yourself so thin. just because you physically CAN do something (i.e. you physically can attend 5 classes and take on a new job) doesn't mean you should. doesn't mean it's in your best interest. doesn't mean it won't significantly decrease your quality of life.

because when you are spread too thin, you are no good. to anyone. think about the visual image of it...who wants a piece of toast with just a smidge of peanut butter on it (yes, I like peanut butter on my toast. om nom nom)? no one (unless they're watching their weight...and once again...where's the joy in that?). every bite of that toast would be sub-par. the same is true of what you're involved in when you're spread too thin.

last night as I felt myself getting tense and overwhelmed, I realized I was also frustrated because I am not excelling in any area right now. work, school, relationships...all are being compromised. all are getting by, but barely. not well. and well...that's just not how I like it. and not how we were created. I think God created us with specific gifts. maybe one reason we don't individually have ALL the gifts is because He didn't want us trying to do EVERYTHING. maybe He was protecting us in this, among other things.

as I re-read Jesus Calling, I realized the use of the word wait. While you wait in My Presence, I do My best work within you.

seems almost like a weird word for this topic. talking about taking the time to spend time with God every day. carving out that time. in my mind, it seems like a "do" item, rather than a "wait" item. maybe that's what makes it hard. in all this "do"ing, and task-accomplishing, the hardest thing to do is "wait". the hardest thing to "do" is seemingly nothing. isn't it?

I've been struggling with patience, but I guess as we wait, He refines us. He molds us in the waiting. even if we don't see it. even if it's painful. even if it doesn't seem like we're growing, changing.

as evidenced by my last post, I really can't wait for may. I can't wait for this semester to be over. I can't wait to make the decision to not spread myself too thin. but I guess I really can. and I guess I will. and what better place to wait than in His presence?

dear may 3rd...

dear may 3rd...

please come hastily. bring passed classes, more free time, and less stress. hurry, sweet day, for I am impatient. I promise to celebrate your coming with fro yo, car dancing, and the windows down.

xoxo,

ashley

in making changes in my life lately, I've had a few moments of fear. and in those moments, I found myself asking a lot of "what if's".

it's almost a smidge ironic that these changes have occurred so close to me turning 25.

what does this year of my life hold? what if I've made the wrong choice? what if I can't handle the choices I've made? what if I can't do my job? what if I let everyone down? what if everything changes? what if nothing changes?

...and then a wonderful and inspiring e-mail showed up in my inbox...coincidence? well...we know how I feel about that.

this is a part of a story from this site (which will send you e-mails if you want, clearly).

holley talks about her attempt to face a fear: cleaning the dryer vent.

she confesses how she got so flustered when imagining the monster dust bunny that might come out of that vent, she fell right over. here are the wise thoughts that followed:

Because my life is one big analogy, I found myself pondering the dust bunny as I laid in bed that night. While my skinny jeans got covered in fluff, no real harm was done. I just felt like I'd been attacked by a killer rabbit. My reaction didn't match the reality.

It's often the same way with fear. What we imagine is often far worse than what comes to be. And even if it does happen, we discover we're more resilient than we ever knew (and God is more faithful too). But the only way to find that out is to stare fear in the face and let it explode all over of us is needed. Not what we fear but the fear itself--which many times turns out to be worse.

What are you really afraid of?
And if that happened, then what?
And what about after that?

Keep going until you've gone all the way down the pipe of your fear and pulled every little bit back out. Then hold it in your hands and see if you've got a killer rabbit or a dust bunny. You might even find yourself laughing a bit about what you thought was in there.

The secret is not letting all of that fear grow in the dark.

Then stand up, wipe off your skinny jeans, hand it all to God and go out there and change the world...

thanks holley. I needed to hear that.

I'm a worrier and my dad would always try to reason with me growing up. what's the worst that could happen? he'd ask. and honestly, even though sometimes the worst that could happen seemed crummy, it never seemed life-altering. or at least life-ending. at the end of the day, truth was still truth, and all was still well. forever.

health factoid: don't eat polar bear liver, in case you were wanting to try it. apparently it has toxic doses of vitamin a. no good.

tomorrow

I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I don't know what my life might look like in a week or  month. I guess, technically, nobody does.

normally this would freak me out. and I won't lie, it has a bit recently. it comes in waves...but oddly at the moment I have a strange peace. and I know that's actually not odd. or coincidental.

a peace that passes understanding is one of His gifts to us. another gift He has blessed me with are truths from His faithful servants.

here are a few words/prayers that have spoken to my heart this week from wise, Spirit-led people...

• my job does not have to necessarily utilize my spiritual gifts.
• God has taught me the difference between ministering to people and ministry.
• may the Lord of all wisdom who knows the path of your life give you peace, discernment, and confidence.
• He is guiding you. even when you don't have clarity. He is there.
• the decision you make will be the one you need to make because you have the spirit within you that is directing your way.

I'm also learning that no one can make a decision for you. everyone probably has different opinions on what you should do, but you can't listen to them all. you have to live with the decisions you make, not anyone else.

health tip...I started watching "food matters" yesterday in a class and found it incredibly interesting (not sure I agree 100% with all that was said, but interesting). in this documentary, an old adage was reiterated with force...you are what you eat.

sometimes I don't think about this. I think that food is just what I feel like eating at the time. but really, this food powers our bodies and sustains life. what kind of fuel are you giving it?

I went home and ate some veggies. dern health classes.

love and flowers

every year since I can remember, my parents have doted on me on valentine's day. when I was younger, I'd come down for breakfast to find a card and chocolates, or a cd, or a cheesy stuffed animal at my chair. in college, I'd get a care package that contained a great deal of chocolate (my mother knows me all too well...and my study habits) and a note about what a fabulous daughter I am. they know how to make a girl feel loved.

even in my adult life, the past two years have been accompanied by flowers and chocolates sent to my place of work.

this year, though, the postal worker brought flowers and I looked in shock when I saw they were, indeed, NOT for me.

mom, dad? don't you love me anymore?

well, obviously I know that "no flowers" does not equate with "no love". but I got to thinking about the concept of this...about how much I love to get flowers at work...and I realized something.

I want to prove to others that I am loved.

not having a boyfriend or fiance' or husband this year really hadn't bothered me (if you've ever been single for an extended period of time, you know that you go through times of caring a whole lot and times of not caring a whole lot).

until those flowers came and they weren't for me.

because when you work in a place where EVERYONE has a significant other/fiance'/spouse, you start to realize that some of them think you're lame. that you don't have a life, or that something is wrong with you.

or maybe I just project these ideas onto those people. either way, to me, flowers tell others that I am not unloved.

pretty silly, I know.

then I got to thinking about love. how lucky I have been. ohhh I know, everyone says they have the best people in their life. but I know the truth. I have the best.

I have been loved well by some pretty stellar people. I'm talking about love as a choice. love that isn't exactly easy.

the kind of love that gets me choked up. the kind that makes me sit and stare in disbelief. the kind of love that knows me. that knows all my garbage. all the things about me that make me shudder. the things I really dislike about myself. the ugly parts.

I have been beyond blessed by people who know all of this, and yet, stay by my side.

no judgment or grudges or weird looks. just love.

that kind of love is a taste of Jesus' love on earth.

and so, on this cheesy holiday dedicated to love, I'd just like to remember this love. and challenge myself to love more like this.

and also, to share love with a heart-shaped pizza from papa john's. because everyone knows that nothing says love like that.



no, I am not getting commission from papa john's for this. just cracked me up.

happy cheesy hallmark holiday - I hope this day finds you feeling loved!

pointing to the answer

wednesday I rushed off to class from work, my mind whirling with thoughts of the future, different paths, and decisions. I prayed He'd help me make the right choice. He'd give me a sign in those classes for sure, I thought.

I sat through food prep waiting for that passion to stir. and even though I enjoyed class, I don't get super fired up about food safety.

no closer to feeling as though I knew what to do, I trudged on to religion.

it's funny how God works.

that professor could start a revival at an atheist convention, pretty sure. that man gets me fired up. in the way that makes me want to rush home and read scripture. apply that scripture to my life. treat everyone like Jesus would. change the world.

he spent the class talking about the Bible. talking about how Jesus changes lives. how people are converted - not typically from preaching or teaching, but from life experiences where God's work is evident. and then they read about Jesus. and their lives are transformed.

he talked about a lot of other stuff that convicted me. inspired me. gutted me. gave me a lot to think about, and a lot to take action on. but none of that action involved the specific life choice that I was thinking about.

it just all pointed back to HIM.

funny how when I was begging Him for a sign, for an answer, for help, He pointed me to Himself. He is the answer.

spend time with me. let your life be transformed by me. right now, that's what you need to focus on.

whew.

sometimes God's answers are not what I expect to hear. or are not what I want to hear. but certainly they are what I need to hear.

last night I read this in romans 4...

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

against all hope...and yet...being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

I think I could learn a thing or ten from father abraham.

health tip: provided by my wise sister. rest is important. get some. take time to "sharpen the saw". hard advice to take, but she's right.

happy friday!!

What’s hard is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.

this is haunting me today. bouncing around in my brain and making me want to crawl under my desk in the fetal position.

when faced with tough life choices, do you ever want to revert back to being a 6 year-old? makes me think of that john mayer song...oh make me a red cape...I wanna be superman (or woman, rather).

whatever happened to my, whatever happened to my lunch box?
when came the day that it got thrown away and don't you think I should've had some say in that decision?

preach, john, preach!

big life decision advice....go!

health factoid: don't buy bulging cans/containers at the grocery store. chances are, they are contaminated with clostridium botulinum. you probably knew, that, though. also, don't feed infants under the age of 1 honey. it contains spores that these young'ens don't have immunity to yet.